Irrational Pet Peeves

Volume 12, Issue 386. Or something.

Commuting has aroused an entirely new set of passionate, irrational dislikes in me. Would you like to hear about them? Of COURSE you would!

In no particular order, I hate:

  • Skinny, bow-legged women in leggings or black polyester pants. They're seemingly everywhere and I always seem to be walking behind them.

  • The guy who wears so much cologne I can smell him from a block away.  Now, that sounds like a figure of speech, but I mean literally FROM A BLOCK AWAY.

  • The construction workers building that one building near the train station.  I don't like those big scary metal rods they carry around.  Rebar?  Is that what's it called?  I don't like it. It's all wiggly and floppy and dangerous looking and those guys don't look too responsible.

  • This frilly raincoat this one woman who rides my train wears. She also wears flats with big floppy bows on them. Also, the way she wears her hair irritates me. She's not 12 years old! She's in her 50's or something. She thinks she's the prissy English cousin from the "Patty Duke Show."

  • Anyone who sits next to me.

  • People who walk too slowly, especially when they walk two abreast so they can chatter inanely to one another while blocking the sidewalk with their big butts. Because people who plod along and talk usually have big butts.

  • People who stand in the middle of the sidewalk.

  • People who are too afraid to cross the street.

  • People who block the crosswalk with their big stupid cars. When the "walk signal" is on, it's not your fucking turn! Encroachment would result in dings from my briefcase, if I had one. Damn this soft tote bag!

  • The intersection of Ohio/Orleans.

  • Wind.

  • The profound lack of bakeries on my route.

I'm sure I have more but that's all for now.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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