Dear World: I apologize for America. I don't know why we do the things we do. Please forgive us.

I learned from this morning's Chicago Tribune that Steven Seagal's debut CD will soon be unleashed upon the United States.

Apparently this horror has already been visited upon our European friends. I'm sorry. I didn't know.

What inspired the multi-talented Mr. Seagal to torture us in such a sadistic manner? His mother. On her deathbed, Mrs. Seagal felt compelled to commit one more act of evil before she left the world. According to Steven:

"My momma died two years ago, and before she did, she said, 'Son, you've got a lot of songs. Put them out. People like them."

Of course, the poor woman could've begged, "Please, don't ever release that terrible album. I beg of you!" But the egotistical Seagal repackaged it in his mind.

By the way, the Tribune reports, "The CD... features Seagal singing 'with a strong, understated voice, in the realm of Jack Johnson but with more energy." I have no idea who Jack Johnson is, but I'm sure he deserves an apology, too.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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