I Will Not Eat It on a Train, I Will Not Eat It on a Plane...
Well, the Cuntzilla Warning has been downgraded to a Cuntzilla Watch. An elevated threat level of Cuntzilla activity, if you will. Conditions are ripe for a Cuntzilla attack, and chatter has suggested Cuntzilla activity in the works, but as for now, Cuntzilla has not chosen to act. So, we wait.


A more imminent threat exists, and that threat is tofu.

I have often toyed with the idea of becoming a vegetarian, not for idealogical reasons, but because I don't trust our nation's food supply, and it's easier to find locally-grown produce from people you trust than meat.

But one thing has always stood in my way ... tofu.

I hate tofu. I hate the thought of tofu. I hate the texture, smell, and appearance of tofu. It's a curd from a vegetable? A plant food with meat-like protein and vitamins? This isn't something God made. It's the devil's trick. It's what Adam and Eve actually ate in the Garden of Eden that got them kicked out. I bet their bad gas helped give them away, too. Tofu is evil and squishy -- two things I don't like.

And now its health benefits are in question! Ha! After years of being cajoled and threatened into eating tofu because of its supposed powers to cure everything from bunions to cancer, it appears tofu is bad. It's baaaaad! And we should've guessed it would turn out this way.

Every time a new diet fad comes along, it turns out to be dangerous. High carb, low fat? Obesity. Low carb, high protein? Heart disease. Tofu? The research results are a bit murky, but I'm putting my money on slow, painful death.

Whenever someone keeps urging you to "eat it, drink it, come on, try it," it reminds me of the malevolent presence from my past, who has since been lost to the mists of time, who convinced me to try Southern Comfort in a bar once. Straight up, no chaser. (Was it Gazoo? It might have been Gazoo. Gazoo, if you're reading this, fie on you!)

Anyway, to make a long story short, tofu is the Southern Comfort of the food world. Tastes bad, could kill you, overall scourge of mankind.

Have a good Monday.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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