I know many people don't like Halloween, for reasons I understand even if I don't share them. But if you're 23 years old and you find Halloween so terrifying you won't even pick up the phone unless it's your mommy, that's a different story.

And why does this guy shiver under a blanket with a Harlequin romance every October 31, unable to face the world? Did he see the Jamie Lee Curtis movie by the same name at too early an age? Did bullies push him down and steal his trick or treat bag? Did he come home unexpectedly early from trick or treating and find his parents engaged in some costumed role play? What is it that so traumatized him that he can't even turn on the television set because monster movies might be showing?

Apparently being dressed as a pumpkin at age 4 was the cause. Or perhaps having his picture taken while he was dressed as a pumpkin. I'm really not sure. Maybe it was this.

They have a picture on him in the print edition of the Chicago Tribune (they had a reprint of that WGN story in the paper today; very cost-conscious of them), but I can't find it online. Which is a shame.

Also, I can't find his "article for an online magazine" either. I'd really like to hear more about his feelings.

By the way, if you like that "Ghost and Mr. Chicken" figurine of Don Knotts, you can find it here.

(It seems Alex is involved in some comedy shows around town, so I hope he takes my diatribe in good fun. I'd hate for him to call his mom on me.)