Dear brainless, clueless assholes who manufacture lingerie,

I hate you.

Do you know why women don't wear bras to bed? Do you, fucking moron? Because they're un-fucking-comfortable, that's why. Not clear on the concept? How about you wrap your testicles in some chicken wire for the night and let me know how it feels.

That's right; I'm assuming you're a man. Because no woman would put underwires in a teddy and expect a woman to sleep in it. Even a woman who's been lulled to sleep by unknown quantities of pink ladies and some physical exercise of an undisclosed variety.

In fact, when said woman wakes up in a fog in the middle of the night, suffering discomfort from your ridiculously poorly-designed garment, that woman is mighty crabby as a result. And then she has to get up and take her thyroid medicine and a tall, cool drink of water. And take off your heinous torture device, fling it in anger across the room, and put on some flannel pajama pants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. And curse you profusely while succumbing once more to the sweet, sweet slumber your hideously painful lingerie denied her.

Asshole.

I fucking hate underwires.











It was pretty, though. I'll give you that. That's why I'll let you live, albeit with a healthy dose of leprosy.