Here are some evil things I've thought/said today*:
- Since you assume all children misbehave at all times, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're a hateful, prune-faced old crone at all times. You're right sometimes, I'm right ALL the time.
- I want to push Guy Fieri in front of a bus
- You already proved yourself too stupid to read correctly. Why would I respond to you in writing this time?
- Really? You're an Ayn Rand fan eagerly awaiting the release of the new "Atlas Shrugged" movie? Because recent events haven't proven rich industrialists are not only NOT the smartest people in the room, but actually the cause of everything coming crashing down around us while they mewl for bailouts instead of taking responsibility? I hope you choke on your popcorn when that piece of crap comes out. See if Rand Paul gives you the Heimlich. ("What does his choking have to do with ME?")
- Conway Twitty (inside joke)
- Look, shut up about the fucking Romans and fucking Hallmark or whatever the fuck else you're on about. February is a fucking shitty month and I need a few conversation hearts and some roses and some motherfucking chocolate to cheer me up, so leave me the fuck alone about Valentines Day, okay? Now eat the goddamned heart-shaped mini cake I made you. Happy fucking Valentines Day.
- Do people really find your inept repetition of other people's tired old observational humor circa 1956 to be clever? They do? Good for you. Most people seem kind of scared of my writing, so maybe your warmed-over plagiarism is the better plan.
If I think of more, I'll let you know
*The the only I actually said, of any of these, is "I want to push Guy Fieri in front of a bus." I don't actually want to, but I am sick of seeing him every time I turn on the TV. Also, I doubt he would find my comment amidst the torrent of "I HATE GUY FIERI" posts on the internet, so my chances of actually hurting his feelings is practically nil. Oh, and I did say "Conway Twitty" but only one person even knows what that means.