If we are going to continue to be friends, I must know now: how do you feel about Downers Grove's stormwater abatement activities? Please include the words "foot capacity" in your answer.
Sadly, I have become more and more aware of local politics, since writing for my town's Patch website. I now have Facebook friends whose status updates include spine-tingling committee meeting reports and indignant responses to outrageous budget line items. I know you wish you were me.
Back to the stormwater question. It's actually a topic of hot debate with bitter accusations thrown back and forth. Seriously. Because I have learned that every single thing in the universe is a divisive, contentious issue in this town.
I have also learned that every inch of my town is crawling with dangerous, homeless felons who have turned entering any public place a life-risking proposition. Going to the library? Please wear a bullet-proof vest. The bowling alley in the theater building? Have you no sense of self-preservation whatsoever? And don't get me started on the roving gangs of teenagers who will tag you as soon as look at you with their cans of spray paint, which they are undoubtedly huffing when they aren't defacing public property. It's true! My neighbor's cousin's friend said she saw gang symbols painted all over her neighborhood. Also, I saw a guy with rumpled clothes and a scruffy beard walking around downtown. It's not safe anywhere!
Of course, none of that scares me because I live on the south side of Downers. Which explains why I am so gangsta.