Some Parasites Suckling at the Taxpayer's Teat Cleared My Street at 2 a.m. What Assholes.
Some guy stealing well-deserved wealth from our industry leaders cleared up our streets after the ice storm last night. Did you hear the sucking sound coming from your wallet? Oh, that's right, you were sleeping. You earned that sleep by working hard. Unlike that dumb slob who was out there in the cold in his snowplow making sure the streets were drivable in the morning so you didn't wrap your Lexus around a light pole. He's a leech.

How does he sleep at night, knowing he's stealing money from hard-working taxpayers? When there's not a snow or ice storm, I mean. Because he's not sleeping then. He's out collecting more money than he deserves. From the taxpayers.

You know who would do it better, cheaper, and more efficiently? A private company. I mean, I have no direct proof of that. But I'm guessing it must be true, because every time a private company has taken over for a public service provider, it's worked out really well. What, you're concerned a private company might cut a few corners to increase profits? Well, they should. If you want quality service, you'll have to pay for it.

If you can't afford high-quality service providers, you deserve to die in an ice storm. It's a simple as that. If you insist on being poor and lazy, you deal with the consequences. That's your personal choice.

What's ruining this country is people thinking they deserve as much as their betters. I think it all started when we spoiled people with a public sewage system. Once the poor stopped emptying their own (and rich people's) piss buckets, they got all sorts of crazy ideas.

I long for the good old days, when a good cholera outbreak could wipe society clean every now and again.
Evil Things in My Head

Here are some evil things I've thought/said today*:

  • Since you assume all children misbehave at all times, I'm going to go ahead and assume you're a hateful, prune-faced old crone at all times. You're right sometimes, I'm right ALL the time.
  • I want to push Guy Fieri in front of a bus
  • You already proved yourself too stupid to read correctly. Why would I respond to you in writing this time?
  • Really? You're an Ayn Rand fan eagerly awaiting the release of the new "Atlas Shrugged" movie? Because recent events haven't proven rich industrialists are not only NOT the smartest people in the room, but actually the cause of everything coming crashing down around us while they mewl for bailouts instead of taking responsibility? I hope you choke on your popcorn when that piece of crap comes out. See if Rand Paul gives you the Heimlich. ("What does his choking have to do with ME?")
  • Conway Twitty (inside joke)
  • Look, shut up about the fucking Romans and fucking Hallmark or whatever the fuck else you're on about. February is a fucking shitty month and I need a few conversation hearts and some roses and some motherfucking chocolate to cheer me up, so leave me the fuck alone about Valentines Day, okay? Now eat the goddamned heart-shaped mini cake I made you. Happy fucking Valentines Day.
  • Do people rItaliceally find your inept repetition of other people's tired old observational humor circa 1956 to be clever? They do? Good for you. Most people seem kind of scared of my writing, so maybe your warmed-over plagiarism is the better plan.

If I think of more, I'll let you know

*The the only I actually said, of any of these, is "I want to push Guy Fieri in front of a bus." I don't actually want to, but I am sick of seeing him every time I turn on the TV. Also, I doubt he would find my comment amidst the torrent of "I HATE GUY FIERI" posts on the internet, so my chances of actually hurting his feelings is practically nil. Oh, and I did say "Conway Twitty" but only one person even knows what that means.
Crapping on the Normies
Okay, I know I promised via the nabalapambo thingie to blog every day this month, and yes, I do see the irony of breaking that promise during a month dedicated to CHARACTER, and yes, it is the shortest month and all, but... just shut up, okay? I'm very very busy. You're lucky I talk to you AT ALL. Especially you, Randal.

But I became inspired to write because there is a vocal, simpering, whiny, unable-to-take-criticism minority in this country that every media outlet kowtows too and who is over-represented in every sitcom and commercial on TV.

I am talking about normal people.

Now, not all normal people are normal people. A lot of people are just PRETENDING to be normal people. I hate that, too.

Which is why, even though I don't have a child with autism, I completely relate to this lady. She overheard some nauseating blowhards being annoying at the library, and when she wrote about it, a lot of "them" complained. (I picture them looking like a bunch of Thurston Howells, sitting in their living rooms with laptops on their laps, spitting out their pineapple drinks to snivel, "Lovey! Did you SEE what that horrible woman said about us??"

Well, we're sick of you. We're sick of your lack of empathy, we're sick of you walking around like your shit doesn't stink, we're sick of your smug sense of self satisfaction (sorry for the plagiarism, Todd.) We're sick of you not caring we don't have health insurance or that we lost our job or our house. We're sick of you not understanding how hard it is for a lot of us in one way or another, and for thinking that it's all our fault/problem, and that you think we should just shut up, because frankly we're ruining your good time with our complaints.

I will end with this video from someone who DOES get it, and who is NOT on my shit list, Louis CK:
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

So you want more huh?
Click here!

Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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