We never have arguments about chores at our house. Well, between my husband and me. Trying to get a two- and four-year-old to clean up their toys is like trying to get the Bush administration to clean up the environment. Only with my kids, there's a lot less hysterical nonsense involved. Anyway, my husband and I work very well together, and we've arrived at a joint conclusion: it's because he doesn't watch NASCAR.

Now don't get me wrong, Uberhusband enjoys cars and racing very much. He likes Formula One racing and road rallies. But cars driving around in a circle? Not so much. This, and voluminous coffee consumption, explains why Uberhusband gets things done.

You see, all those shiny objects going 'round and 'round while the observer lays prone on a couch very likely (now, I'm not a doctor, but that won't stop me from drawing conclusions) puts that observer in a state of hypnosis. So when the NASCAR fan's wife yells, "Earl! Come take out the trash!" And Earl mumbles "m'kay" from the couch, he can hardly be blamed for laying on the couch for another three hours while the shiny objects go 'round and 'round. Poor Earl is in a trance.

In fact, if you tape NASCAR and push rewind, the backwards-moving cars send messages like "Drink Budweiser!", "Chew Skol!" and "Eat pork rinds!" They never, ever say, "Get off the couch and take out the garbage!"