I ran out to the grocery store last night, because we were out of milk and other necessities. Like cookies. And ice cream.

While I was there, the nameless evil that seems to permeate every nook and cranny of this fine nation decided to torture me with two things:

Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds

and

Patricia Heaton.

You may remember Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds from such hits as "Don't Pull Your Love Out On Me Baby," or last night's abomination "Fallin' In Love". I remembered "Don't Pull Your Love Out on Me Baby," since MST3000 featured it on a show with Tom Servo, Crow and Joel singing a rousing rendition of the tune. But I had managed to force "Fallin' In Love" into the deep recesses of my brain until the demons controlling this country's soft rock music assaulted me with it last night.

As for Ms. Heaton... I am sooo glad that Albertson's decided to throw gobs of money at such an underprivileged, underpaid actress who garners so little face time. (please note dripping sarcasm.) They could've used those millions to lower grocery prices, hike the wages of the people who actually WORK in the grocery store, or even start a scholarship program for deserving youth. But in their infinite wisdom, they decided to hire an actress who, because she plays a mom on TV, clearly shops for her own groceries and scouts out sales. And uses coupons, too! Boy, I sure identify with her!

Then, just to be sure I didn't miss the ubiquitous television commercials starring Ms. Heaton, they pump the commercials into the store. Not interrupting Hamilton, Joe Frank and Reynolds, of course.

A thin veneer of civility coats the seething rage in the mommy community. I tell you, people, we WILL take to the streets someday. I would recommend removing Journey from all playlists as a precaution.