Enter if you will...

"Good evening. I'm your little old curator in this museum which we call the Night Gallery. There are horror stories and horror stories, elements of terror that take myriad forms. But this item has a built-in terror which can refrigerate even the most dispassionate amongst us. It has to do with a little beastie known as an earwig, a small bug that crawls into the human ear. And while inside it doesn't whisper sweet nothings -- it performs quite another function. Offered to you now on Night Gallery, a brand new nightmare which we call The Caterpillar."

Does anyone besides me remember Night Gallery? I do, and my parents are lucky I don't sue them for my therapy bills. Looking at the dates the show ran, I could only have been as old as 4 when I saw it. And it was one creepy show.

Rod Serling of "Twilight Zone" fame would take you into an art gallery filled with twisted paintings relating to the equally twisted story that went with it.

One episode was called "The Caterpillar," only it wasn't about a caterpillar -- it was about an earwig. An earwig that crawled into some guy's ear and started eating his brain. He screamed and writhed in agony.

I still remember seeing that, even though I have never seen it since its original air time. I remember other episodes, too; I'll save those for later.

Tonight I want to talk about earwigs, because they are truly evil, vindictive creatures. To punish me for killing some of their relatives that took up residence in an empty flower pot on my back porch, they tried to murder me today. They learned of Chicago's dangerous heat index, and shorted out my air conditioner. If you don't believe me, I can show you the repair man's bill.

"Found earwig in contacts, burnt contact points," reads the work description, with the ominous, "This could happen again."

But when? I sense this isn't over. Not by a long shot.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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