I Declare Independence
Listen up, UberGirls!

If you cannot find a toy earring because the dress-up bins were dumped over and their contents now litter the family room floor, I am not helping find them. If said items are not picked up and put away properly by bedtime, they are being thrown away or donated, depending on their condition. While this is a very specific example, it goes for all of your toys. If you can't take care of them, you don't deserve them.

I am not finding shoes. We have a shoe rack by the door. If the shoes were not properly put away, that is not my responsibility. Find them your damn self. And, little missies, your rooms AND your toy room are getting cleaned out tomorrow.

I will no longer listen to screaming and crying. If you are too upset to talk, go somewhere to calm down and then explain your problem to me. Quit asking me "why" and calling things "stupid." You know when dinner time is; why do you ask for a cookie 15 minutes before it starts? You know the answer to the question and it's always no. Why do you want to start a fight? Especially with me?

When you're old enough to understand, mommy will get you each a calendar and circle certain days in red. If you see a red circle, you'd best not argue with mommy. You don't understand now, but you will.

When bedtime comes, put your pajamas on and brush your teeth. You each get ONE drink of water at that time. Then, you each get to pick out one story. ONE STORY EACH. Then get into your beds without whining and complaining. If you can't sleep, I don't want to hear about it. Just stare at the ceiling; you'll get sleepy soon enough. DO NOT GET OUT OF YOUR BEDS. UberYounger, do not kick the wall, or I will move your bed into the middle of the room.

And to my family members, none of whom read my blog but that won't stop me from addressing you:

If you call and don't leave a message, don't get fucking pissed at me if I don't call you back. I can't always run to hear your precious voice. It's never important, anyway. I'm tired of all YOUR bullshit, too. Treating me like some sort of moron just because I'm the youngest. If you people are so smart, how come you're all so screwed up? You can all just shut up until I'm ready to deal with your bullshit, which might be never. Kiss my still-perky ass.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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