I have been dealing with SBC the past few days, sorting out my DSL outage problems.

Apparently, their outside lines were deficient for some reason, and what should have been a glorious gush of information flowing into my home had slowed to a mere trickle, then a drip. I was unable to access the internet as a result.

Eventually, they ever so kindly fixed the problem, and proudly and generously announced that I would not be charged for the service call.

But of course I do pay for the service; it's called my monthly fucking bill.

That I pay every month.

That they send me threatening e-mails about every month, five days before the bill is actually due, reminding me that they could shut off my service and/or send my information to the credit reporting agencies if I don't pay, even though I'm currently paid up. A month in advance, which is how they work it. So, in essence, they are calling to make sure I pay for future services I haven't even received yet.

I hate them. But it's a free market, right? I can change carriers, right?

Right.

Anyway, thank you all for staying with me through this trying time, and thank you, Dilf, for posting for me in my absence. Consider this my response to each and every comment from the past few days: You guys are the best; you're hilarious; I love you; I missed you.

Smoochies.