Why are computers performing clerical work and answering phones? Why are they determining credit scores and playing chess? And, most importantly, why are humans still emptying garbage and cleaning toilets?

People, we've been sold yet another lie. Robots and computers were supposed to do all the dirty and dangerous work. Yet somehow I'm cleaning the litterbox (okay, Dilf does that, but stay with me people) while some damn computer calls me 5 times a day to "Please hold for a very important message." Folks, it is NEVER an important message.

With the exception of the wonderful Roomba, computers and robots have filled two purposes: one, saving corporations money; two, giving MIT students a hobby.

My current favorite is the new kiosks at the grocery stores where customers scan and bag their own groceries. Great! Now I can deprive a fellow human of a job AND do more work myself! How wonderful! Granted, I have used said device when I've had but a few items. But how long until humans are completely replaced, and we're stuck working, unpaid, for the grocery store?

Motherfuckers.

And now my fucking dishwasher, which we bought in 2004, is acting bizarre. I'll bet you anything that it's not a simple, inexpensive part. I bet it's the "computer board" that runs the whole damn thing and costs as much to replace as a brand new dishwasher.

I'm becoming Amish next week.