I went to my good friend Mrs. Kathy's baby shower yesterday afternoon. This will be Mrs. Kathy's first baby, so some of the other already-mommies and I gave her some advice -- both solicited and un-solicited.

As we talked, I relived some of the memories of birth and infancy. Women's bodies can do some really cool shit.

I'm not trying to put down men's bodies, because Lord knows I love them. It's just that they're not as multi-functional as women's. I'm beginning to think Freud had it wrong; I don't think women have penis envy, I think men have boob and baby envy. That's why, in their jealousy, they tried for centuries to convince us we were weak and second-class citizens. Now that all but the most scaredy-cat of men have given that up, men just hope we won't hurt them too badly.

But let's face it, women's bodies can do amazing things. We're like shape-shifters. Our hips expand and contract, our abdomen blows up and deflates like a giant balloon, and we shoot food out of our breasts. I know no man but Todd who could provide another human with sustenance for any period of time with a fluid produced from his own body.

True, a lot of this comes at a price: pain, mess, monthly distress. But you have to admit, we're still pretty cool.

And I think that monthly distress would go a lot more smoothly if we were allowed to pamper ourselves instead of carry on bravely with our usual activities. Maybe we can work on that one.