[Opening: "My Old Kentucky Home"; a shot of Churchill Downs]
Announcer: "Kentucky is famous for producing thoroughbreds. Introducing one of Kentucky's most prestigious creations: Todd."
[Upbeat incidental music plays]
"I know what you're thinking: I've tried Todds before and been disappointed. What makes this Todd so special? We're glad you asked!
Most Todds available on the market today come in a 5'9" package. Our Todd measures a whopping 6'6"! That's 12 percent more Todd for you to enjoy!
Also, unlike some Todds, our Todd is not stringy or scawny.
[waah-waah sound effect] You call that a Todd? That's a Rod!Our Todd is solidly built from American materials, and won't bend, scratch, dent or shatter under pressure. Our Todd is the best Todd available in the U.S.!
But a Todd offer like this won't last forever. Call today for your chance to date Todd, before it's too late!
*Todd isn't for everyone. If you are a male, Todd is not right for you. If you are a female under the age of 18 or past menopause, Todd is unavailable. Side effects of Todd include laughing uncontrollably, eating late-night cheeseburgers and listening to Pixies and other alternative bands from the 80's and 90's. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if Todd is right for you. Please enjoy Todd responsibly.
