I'm usually a lot of fun to live with. I really am. I'm jovial, funny, helpful, kind, thoughtful... until...

I turn into an easily irritated bitch once a month for roughly a week to 10 days. Now, part of my brain continues to operate normally, and that part tells me not to lash out, that nothing's out of the ordinary, that my brain is just inundated with some sort of hormones that make me crazy. "See," it says, soothingly. "Dilf friend! Calm down, monster! ÜberGirls loud because ÜberGirls little! Breathe... breathe..."

But it just sits there and seethes, and churns, and reacts to the littlest stimulus. Like the extra loud landscapers at my neighbor's house. Überfriend Claire. Lint. Anything and everything.

I wish this didn't happen, or that I could control it. With something nice. That was magically delivered to my door by an incredibly gentle guy with broad shoulders and kind eyes. "Oh, you know what cures PMS? Buttercream icing! Here, I brought you a bowl of it. Don't forget the spoon! All set? There you go! Have a nice day now! What? Take off my shirt? Oh, those hormones again! Behave yourself!"

Instead, I just try to keep the beast chained up where it can't hurt anyone.