First, happy birthday, Tits.

Second, stream of consciousness writing -- no edits, no looking back, just 10 minutes of typing and hitting the "publish post" button. Begin:

Why has ÜberYounger taken to a largely all-cheese diet? And it's Kraft Singles. No other will do. She did have a piece of turkey, lined with mayo and rolled up for lunch. But cereal is barely touched every morning. Dinner is mostly an opportunity to try out her newest comedy routines. What will this do to her system? I know -- nothing. For now.

Also, I like order. Why doesn't anyone else? Dilf likes order, but he kind of expects it to be created for him. Chaos is around the corner at all moments. Is it storage? Is it the layout of my basement? Whatever it is, I am agitated every time I go down the stairs. And the laundry room is one bottomless pit of wasted space. Unfinished, spider webs, an old unused water softener from the hillbillies.

And, the wood floor beneath the upstairs bathroom is rotting away. The ceiling in the downstairs bathroom (beneath the upstairs one, of course) is trashed. Will I get a new bathroom? What will happen? My brother-in-law the carpenter is coming over tomorrow evening to render his verdict.

I want to take a leaf-blower and simplify my life. Just blow everything out the window. I want to just throw everything away. I want freedom.

My grandma and Auntie Julie used to have simple lives. They didn't have much stuff. They didn't drive cars. They took public transportation everywhere, and that was their entertainment. They'd get on the bus to go to the el to walk around downtown Chicago. All the time. They were always walking, going places. They didn't have to load up the back of an SUV with crates of food and supplies from Costco or Sam's Club. I remember Auntie Julie buying her daily piece of fruit from a street fruit vendor.

I want that kind of simplicity to my life.

But my 10 minutes is up.