Don't Wear Wednesday: For Me, Specifically
This week's edition is not to be taken generally; it is very, very specific. To me. The following items are not unattractive per se, but on me, they frighten small children and woodland creatures.

For instance, the "fishtail" or "mermaid" skirt:

Tight through the hips and thighs, then flaring out to accentuate the size of the hips and thighs. I look like Mae West after she met and devoured Dolly Madison when I wear one. Unsightly. Especially in satin.

Next, we have the tunic:

The cruellest thing about the tunic is it promises to be your friend. "Wear me!" it calls to you cheerfully from the sales rack. "I will cover your butt, hips and thighs! You will love me, and I will shield you from public contempt!" But no. Here's what happens: the tunic widens to match my widest point, turning me into a giant walking hippie box with legs sticking out the bottom. Not for me. Next.

The sleeveless turtleneck:

Some ladies love the sleeveless turtleneck because they have thin arms, but a wrinkly neck or unattractive decolletage. I have chubby arms and a lovely neck and decolletage. Also, it reminds me of high school in the 80's, but that's a personal insight that should no way discourage anyone from wearing it if it fits and flatters her. It just doesn't work for me.

These are but three items among many that I look at and say, "It's cute, but not for me." Join me next week for a more outrageous, entertaining edition of "Don't Wear Wednesday."

I'm sorry I was so boring this week. I'm having a boring week and it's rubbed off on me.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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