If I Lived in Scranton, I'd Be in Jail by Now

Thoughtful blogger B.A. brought this to my attention today, possibly saving me 90 days in jail and $300.

As Nick will attest, I frequently swear at, gesture rudely at, or otherwise publicly denigrate things and entities that piss me off.

For example, Michael's did not have the vellum bags I need to make popcorn ghosts for ÜberElder's class Halloween party. I gave them the stink eye and flipped them off and shouted obscenities at the store. From the outside. I didn't want to upset any employees, or the guy in the NASCAR jacket shopping in the scrapbooking aisle.

Sidenote: Now I am more angry at Michael's than ever! "Imaginate" is not a word, and it disturbs me greatly! Aaaaargh! And, they are coupon con artists to boot! I declare a housewife jihad upon them! Death to Michaels!

That same day, I went grocery shopping. In my quest to eat healthier, I stopped by the bagged salads, and found them to be $3.29 for a 10 ounce bag. All so that I can run the risk of diarrhea. To that I say, "Fuck you, Dole!" I flipped off the entire produce stand. I then went to my little private grocery store, Amici's, which contains mainly meats, cheeses, produce and 895 varieties of olive oil (it's an Italian grocery store). I bought romaine lettuce for $.69 a POUND. So there!

Back to that poor woman in Scranton with the overflowing toilet: if she gets convicted, I say the Babushka Brigade gets involved.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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