Happy New Year! Time to Self-Flagellate!

Ah, the New Year's Resolution. What's Numero Uno? Why, losing weight, of course! Because we are in the midst of an obesity epidemic! Just look at our female celebrities, fatties each and every one of them! Apparently, male celebrities don't go swimming. At least, I've never seen a picture of one on the cover of a gossip rag at the grocery store.

Yes, indulging the urge to eat has replaced indulging the urge to fornicate as the worst sin imaginable. As long as you leave farm animals, cadavers or the guy who played Screech on "Saved By the Bell" out of it, you can have any kind of sex you like and no one's going to bat an eye.

But eat a doughnut? In public? Only if you enjoy scandal.

I am not part of the obesity "epidemic." I am a member of the vast swath of Americans whom I will call "A Little Chunky." I would call us "Alchies," but that might cause confusion. Despite living in what Men's Health Magazine considers one of the most obese cities in America, I don't see many truly obese people. Of course, I don't shop at Walmart.

What I do see frequently are the Chunkies like me. Apparently, we are not killing ourselves or driving up the costs of health care for the skinny people, so I'm not participating in the annual New Year stampede to starve myself.

And for those who want to smirk and make snide remarks about my robust figure and love of carbs? Hmmm. My New Year's Resolution is to not care.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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