I've been thinking of starting a new blog called "Quest for Hire" that chronicles my unsuccessful attempt at finding a job. I find it appropriate because it seems most potential employers apparently think I am a cavewoman. Even answering a telephone and speaking properly is beyond my skill level now because I have spent the 9 years raising children. Little do they know, I spent most of that time yakking on the phone! Ha! Jokes on them!

The lowest point is when I answered a Craig's List ad for someone to "take care of" a bunch of young internet start-up employees. They asked for someone to make sure the fridge was stocked with healthy food, to order and set up lunch for them, answer phones and fill out minor paperwork, and to generally manage the little details around the office to keep life running smoothly. Seriously, that's what was in the ad. So I applied, thinking that sounded like a "mom." It was not high-paying, either.

They didn't even bother to send me a rejection letter. Spending the last 9 years as a mom has left me unqualified to be a mom.

I have now considered adopting an alternate persona who has spent the last 9 years in prison, then submitting applications/resumes to job listings as both people just to see who gets called back for an interview first: someone who's been jailed for the last 9 years, or someone who's been a stay-at-home mom for 9 years.

At this point, I don't think I even want to return to the hell that is the average workplace, even though we could use the money. I fear I will end up in prison for sure, after stapling someone's head to his/her cubicle wall.