I've been acknowledged by an alcohol-soaked disembodied head who lives in a bedpan. Apparently, there are sorts of rules and conditions attached to accepting the award he has nudged in my direction with his forehead (not having any hands, you see), and I can't deal with all of that falderal right now. So I will give you another example of how America continues to sabotage itself.

This story, on its surface, appears to be a feel-good success story. And it is! A heartwarming tale of near-tragedy, ending in happiness for everyone. It would've ended there in an earlier, simpler time; but we live in the age of the internet, when everyone with an opinion can't help but express it. Whoever invented the "comment" section should be ashamed of him/herself.

The problem? The use of the word "miracle" in the title.

Now, I don't take the word "miracle" literally. To me, when someone uses the word "miracle" to describe a narrowly-avoided catastrophe, I think of it more in terms of "Isn't it amazing that things worked out okay when so many things could've gone wrong? That Murphy's Law for once didn't prevail? Isn't it awesome when a plan comes together?" I don't picture a giant Monty Python-esque finger descending from the sky and touching the people involved. That so many things can go wrong in a situation like that that it's pretty remarkable when things turn out okay. In fact, maybe the whole sordid comment-mess could've been avoided if the writer had just used "Remarkable!" instead of "Miracle!"

But he didn't. And so instead of rejoicing in the fact that some poor guy in Colorado Springs isn't crying his eyes out during the winter holidays and that two little boys haven't lost their mother, people are debating the existence of God and insulting each other over it.

You know what? Your opinion really isn't that important. Let it go. For your sake as well as ours. Is this proof that God has a "special purpose" for that mom and her baby? No. And thanks for the pressure to perform, jerk. Do you have to overreact to the word "miracle" and use it as the chance to make sweeping generalizations about religion and people who believe in God? No. And this is why nobody invites you out anymore, too.

What should've been an opportunity for EVERYBODY to agree, like when we all got together to hate Kanye West, that this was a GOOD THING that happened. We don't get happy endings very often. Can't we just relish it without fighting?