I would like to focus today on a band so repugnant that they suck both when they rock out and when they moan out their tiresome love ballads.

I speak, of course, of Foreigner.

I hate Foreigner like Karl Rove hates an ethics investigation. And look at they guy! That's Lou Gramm, lead singer, in the picture. Too bad they didn't get a shot of his gnarly yellow teeth! And yet, apparently, some woman "Urgent"-ly needs to have sex with him.







Urgent lyrics

You’re not shy, you get around
You wanna fly, don’t want your feet on the ground
You stay up, you won’t come down
You wanna live, you wanna move to the sound

Got fire in your veins
Burnin’ hot but you don’t feel the pain
Your desire is insane
You can’t stop until you do it again

But sometimes I wonder as I look in your eyes
Maybe you’re thinking of some other guy
But I know, yes I know, how to treat you right
That’s why you call me in the middle of the night

You say it’s urgent
So urgent, so oh oh urgent
Just wait and see
How urgent my love can be
It’s urgent

You play tricks on my mind
You’re everywhere but you’re so hard to find
You’re not warm or sentimental
You’re so extreme, you can be so temperamental

But I’m not looking for a love that will last
I know what I need and I need it fast
Yeah, there’s one thing in common that we both share
That’s a need for for each other anytime, anywhere

It gets so urgent
So urgent
You know it’s urgent
I wanna tell you it’s the same for me
So oh oh urgent
Just you wait and see
How urgent our love can be
It’s urgent

You say it’s urgent
Make it fast, make it urgent
Do it quick, do it urgent
Gotta rush, make it urgent
Want it quick
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
Urgent, urgent, emergency
So urgent, emergency
Emer... emer... emer...
It’s urgent

I can think of the following "urgent" needs in regards to Foreigner:

Change the station!


Restraining order


Penicillin shot


Ear plugs


A good, stiff drink, downed in one gulp


An exterminator


This band, I believe, is the worst ever. They are more omni-present than 38 Special. They seem convinced they are talented, unlike Hall and Oates and Lionel Ritchie, who seemed to say, "You people like this crap? Okay, I guess I'll keep churning it out, then." The only contender for the throne is Phil Collins, whose music appears in movies and therefore is more difficult to avoid.

I feel better getting this out of my system. I will now take UberGirlies out for doughnuts. Good day.