Today is Wednesday. That means my pathological milkman will be coming today. It also means the garbage must go to the curb, as Thursday is my pick-up day.

Here's the issue: DILF left at 5:15 a.m. today for a client visit in Detroit. He won't be back until tomorrow night. Do you see where I'm going with this, DILF's Employers? This means I, the Übermilf, must take out the garbage.

This is unacceptable.

If this were the only Wednesday I would be required to put aside my usual daintiness to perform such a task, I could accept the situation. However, DILF has been scheduled for four more out of town client visits in the upcoming weeks, and they all require Wednesday overnight stays.

Now, I know you didn't know about the garbage situation before, so I forgive you. But now that you know, please see to it that DILF is home on Wednesday evenings to take out the garbage. Thank you.

Now, Back to the Milkman

We've established earlier that the owner of the dairy that supplies my milk may or may not be a Nazi. This has caused me to consider switching to another delivery service or forgoing home delivery altogether.

That raises other issues, however. How will the chronically-angry milkman react to the news? He knows where I live, and he's guaranteed to be in my neighborhood every Wednesday.

And what if he were to drive by and see another milkman's truck in my driveway? He could go berserk! He could run over from my neighbor's house, meaty fingers inserted into the necks of empty milk bottles, clacking them together while taunting, Milkman, come out and plaaa-aaay.

Nobody wants that to happen. Okay, maybe me, a little. Still, I think it's best to keep Angry Milkman's rage to a minimum.