This is what I would say to my brother, if he was talking to me:

I have news for you, asshole! You’re a grown man in his 40’s with a wife and kid – mommy and daddy don’t owe you a goddamn thing! They paid for you through college, then you were able to support yourself. Until Cuntzilla came along, that is.

Now all of a sudden you’ve turned to shit. I’m not blaming her – she is what she is. You’re the one lying, scheming and begging for cash. Whatever our parents think “she must’ve done to you,” you’re going along for the ride without complaint.

And she keeps getting fucking pedicures? When you don’t have money for car insurance? Well, that’s what you told our parents, who don’t have the guts to call you on your bullshit. I’m not sure you even need the money for a legitimate expense.

Do you know our mother has a bleeding ulcer? And our father is still overcoming the effects of his colon cancer? That they couldn’t save for retirement until their 40’s, because they were busy supporting us as kids? Now you want them to keep supporting you? Fuck you.

And another thing, you’re using their love for you and your relationship with them as an extortion tool. Wow, that’s class. What would be enough for you? If they drained their investments and lived on the pittance they get for social security? Or maybe that’s not enough. Maybe they’ll have to sell their home and hand you the cash. After all, they have three other RESPONSIBLE ADULTS for children who could take them in.

And her mom had to give you $300 for a birthday party for your baby? Really, was that a party for her, or for Cuntzilla’s rich bitch sister to show off her new McMansion? Because your sweet little girl would’ve been just as happy in her own home, with just a cake. I would’ve been willing to spring for my own lunch. It would’ve set a lot better in my stomach.

I manage to survive every day without a Kate Spade handbag. That’s right; not even one. I had a Coach once but it got ruined. Oh, yeah… when I had it, I paid for it myself. With cash. And I could still pay my rent and utilities after. And if I couldn’t, I wouldn’t have bought the freakin’ purse.

How many Kate Spades does Cuntzilla own, now, anyway? Hmmm? I hope she can see them by candlelight, since it sounds like you don’t have the money to pay the electric bill.

Oh, wait. That’s right, you just have someone else give you money for bills. Have you paid any back?

Do you know how easily a major illness can drain someone financially? Mom will be 70 next year, and Dad’s already there. What do you think happens in old age? The good health fairy comes along and fixes everything for free? Or were you planning to put them out on an ice floe?

I can’t make you a better person. I can’t make you leave our parents alone. I can’t make them stronger or more willing to deal with reality. I can’t fix this situation.

All I can do is rage about it on my blog and hope it makes me feel better.