Dining Review: What We Eat When Dilf's Out of Town

My dad traveled a lot when I was little, just like Dilf does. The meals my mother would serve while he was gone were comical. Well, they were tragi-comic. In fact, we had a code phrase to describe the downgraded dinners we'd receive: "fish and corn." We named it after a particularly unpleasant dinner comprised of -- you guessed it -- fish and corn leftovers. It doesn't sound disgusting, but trust me, it was. In fact, we still use the phrase to this day. "I've been running around all day so we're having 'fish and corn' for dinner." "My head hurts. They're getting 'fish and corn' for dinner, and I don't want to hear any complaints." "If I don't get to the gocery store soon, we're having 'fish and corn' for dinner." You get the idea.

My mother didn't care if the foodstuffs came from dramatically different cuisines, continents away from one another, never meant to be placed side by side on a plate together. If they were leftovers, we were eating them -- even if it was chili with a side of Japanese vegetables served over cous cous smothered in southern-fried chicken gravy.

Now it is my turn to experience first hand how difficult it is to maintain the dinner ritual to the standards to which my family has become accostomed. But since I had no leftovers, I ordered a bunch of pre-processed dinner items from Peapod. As a public service, I will review these items for you.

Vegetable: Spinach Soufflé
Manufacturer: Stouffer's
Taste: Yummy. We get this sometimes anyways.
Scary Ingredients: What's modified food starch? That might be yucky. Soybean Oil? Otherwise it's all good.
Verdict: We like this. Solid girlie food.

Starch: Mashed Potatoes
Manufacturer: Country Crock
Taste: Not too bad, but not as good as homemade.
Scary Ingredients: Well, I don't like margarine and it's in here; that's not really scary. But I don't like the sound of soy lecithin, vegetable mono and diglycerides, sodium benzoate, artificial flavors, mono and diglycerides, maltodextrin, cultured dextrose, coloring (? They were white!), xanthan gum and egg white lysozyme.
Verdict: I'm never buying these again. I can throw some size B potatoes in my steamer and mash them myself without too much effort. In fact, if I had picked up the package at the supermarket and read those ingredients, I never would've bought them in the first place. But they do come in a reclosable tub that I'll probably use as ersatz Tupperware later. Also, the inner plastic seal was nearly impossible to remove.

Protein: Pot Roast (Beef. I know, vegetarians -- you're mad at me. But it didn't have a face! honest! At least, not by the time I got it)
Manufacturer: SommersOrganic
Taste: Pretty good. Mine's better!
Scary Ingredients: None, unless you don't like soy sauce.
Verdict: I'll definitely buy this again in the summer when I don't want to heat up my whole house making pot roast. It was fairly yummy, easy, and non-threatening. But it lacked my deft touch and mommy love.

We also had a green salad of romaine lettuce and baby grape tomatoes and bottled Newman's Own salad dressing. But we have that all the time so I'm not reviewing it.

I'm reheating pre-cooked chicken and cheesy broccoli rice tomorrow. Stay tuned!

Sad Update: I just received word that Dilf's stepfather, the ÜberGirlies' beloved Poppy, passed away moments ago. If I'm missing, that's why.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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