Heat is not my friend.

Summer used to mean freedom to me. Then I graduated. Now, summer means:


Swelling and bloating

Revealing clothing (exhibiting my swollen, bloated body in public)

Mosquito bites (one vicious bastard bit me on the right breast! Unpleasant!)


Heat stroke, exhaustion


Shaving sensitive areas

Shaving every day

I hate summer clothes. With a passion reserved for few other things. And you all know how much I hate other things. I shopped for some clothes yesterday, and this is an actual conversation I had with myself: "You're a fat fatty. Don't even try on that size; you don't wear it anymore, because you're a fat fatty. Don't buy anything tight, because everyone will see your fat fattiness. You have fat legs, fat arms and a tummy. Do they sell mumus here? You're disgusting. Are you really going to subject the world to the sight of YOU in shorts? Wow, nice camel toe."

Now, I don't even think such horrid things about other people. I reserve such harsh treatment for myself. If I heard someone talking to another human being in such a way, I would intervene. Why do I talk to myself like this? I managed to buy three outfits and some comfy sandals I could walk in yesterday, but not before I beat the hell out of myself.

Truthfully, heat does make me swell and retain water. It's as if my northern European ancestry is saying, "Where the hell are we? We better puff ourself up as much as possible to intimidate predators! Let's get expanding, people!" I just want to hide until September.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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