Last week, I was feeling a bit under the weather with a sore throat and general ickiness. I took medicine that made me a bit less than lucid.

Big mistake. That's when they attack. They sense your weakness and exploit it for their own nefarious purposes.

By "they," of course, I mean children. They wait for any diminished capacity at all on your part, any crack in your usual vigilance, to wreak havoc of untold porportions.

I had but one child at home with me that day, since ÜberElder goes to school all day, so the damage was mitigated somewhat. But the tally was still impressive. It was as follows:

* One brand new tube of lipstick

* One barely used mascara container

* An entire roll of toilet paper

* One toilet seat top (not permanently damaged; merely imprinted with lipstick red fingers and palms. I didn't need the detective kit to analyze the fingerprints.)

* One formerly white sink, counter and cabinet combination

* One television screen

She had gotten into my makeup, obviously. Also, her sister's clothes. Why get her own clothes dirty? Her intention became clear as she crept stealthily down the stairs and attacked me.

She began clawing at me madly, and announced with a growl, "I'm going to EAT you! I'm going to SUCK YOUR BLOOD and PUT YOU IN A POT and COOK YOU FOR DINNER!"

My first thought was, "Cool! I don't have to make dinner tonight." My second thought was, "I just bought that lipstick!" My third thought was, "What does it look like upstairs?"

ÜberYounger grinned malevolently at me. "Did I scare you, Mommy? I want to be TERRIFYING!" She succeeded.

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In other news...

I've decided to start a new blog called Ubermilf Dark for my political and depressing ranting. I will add it to my links bar.