Do not try to find rational explanations for anything I may tell you in this, my latest ongoing weekly segment. These are oddities from my youthtful experience; yes, I fully intend to finish up loose ends like my torturous New England vacation. I also intend to reveal secrets I have never told anyone before.

Take this week's entry, spawned while I was cooking dinner tonight. Chicken, to be exact. As I seasoned my chicken dish, I was reminded of one of my childhood terrors: "Scarborough Fair" by Simon and Garfunkle. (Actually, Scarborough Fair by anyone, including Muzak, creeped me out; but Simon and Garfunkle's version was most popular.)

Why did the song cause my little girl insides to quake in horror? Particularly when my elementary school music teacher made us learn it and sing it over and over? I don't know. It reminded me of ghosts somehow. It sounded like it came from the Middle Ages to me, and I still get freaked out about that particular period of world history. The Bubonic Plague? The starvation? The violence and torture? The lack of indoor plumbing and laundry facilities? All horrifying to me. And to my young ears, "Scarborough Fair" sounded like something a scary plague-carrying minstrel would sing as he came into town, infecting everyone and spreading death and decay with each note strummed upon his funny-looking round guitar.

I still can't play "Ring Around the Rosie" with the ÜberGirlies without shuddering, even if Snopes doubts the legend of its origin.

Back to "Scarborough Fair." I had managed to outgrow the abject terror once prompted by hearing the song. Until I went on YouTube to research it, and saw this:



It's like a nightmare! Make it stop! Are those tombstones? This is a haunted video, isn't it? ISN'T IT??!! Hold me, Dilf!

It's no coincidence that Steven King plays a version of this song. Don't bother pointing out that the renowned author of spooky novels spells his name with a "ph", and that this other man is some sort of classical guitarist. I know a horror soundtrack when I hear it.

I will need Nyquil to fall asleep again tonight, whether I'm coughing or not. I'm also shivering, with no physical cause.