Aunt Bee: Beloved Icon, Total Bitch

I read about the upcoming line of Mayberry's Finest foods with great joy. I love all things Mayberry. I love the slow pace, the comraderie, the wholesome goodness.

I love my Mayberry Cookbook. I use it fairly often. I wish I had the dessert one, too. Oh, well. A girl can dream.

As I was reveling in all things Mayberry, I discovered some harsh truths.

The problem with Mayberry is, you can't dig too deeply or it gets ugly. For instance, why were there no black people there? It was set in the South, after all. And if they were there, how do you suppose they would be treated? Do you suppose people named "Goober" and "Gomer" were fair-minded individuals in real life? Do you think their children would've been educated alongside Opie? And what kind of name is "Opie," anyways? How did his mother die? Why are there no pictures of her, or any mention?

Why was Otis drunk all the time? Why didn't anyone help him? Was Floyd in the closet, unable to be true to himself for fear of being ostracized or even killed? And what of Barney's illicit affair with Juanita, while publicly courting the "respectable" Thelma Lou? And did Aunt Bee put her life on hold to become an unpaid domestic servant for Andy and Opie? How would an old spinster like her have survived otherwise? What were the realities of life for people in a real "Mayberry?"

While all of those things lie in the realm of speculation, I discovered a wicked reality about my beloved Aunt Bee: she was not sweet, tidy and pleasant in actuality. He was a crazy cat lady with a dirty house and a sour disposition.

I read all about it here..

Oh, Bee. We hardly knew thee.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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