Police Blotter: Ripper-Style Slaying Claims Life of Doll Who Looks Like 19th-Century Hooker
A member of the law enforcement community (aka "Mommy") made a grisly discovery this morning on the way to the kitchen to make coffee:

The victim, whose feet and one hand had been viciously chewed off at some point during the night, has been identified as Parisian Barbie. She was found in the dining room early this morning.

Police are questioning a witness to the attack, who was hidden atop Elder's bunkbed during the incident.

The witness provided a full description to authorities, and they have released the name of the suspect, ("Moxie"), who appears here:

While the testimony of the witness is somewhat compromised by the fact that she has had past altercations with the suspect and is also a known catnip addict, police still find her claims credible after films of the suspect's past activities have been discovered:

The owner of Parisian Barbie (UberYounger, pictured below) has been contacted, and she released the following statement to the public: "Bad doggie. She ruined my dollie. Stop licking me! Bad!" A funeral will be held later in the day to honor the memory and contributions of Parisian Barbie. As UberYounger tearfully noted, "She had a hat! With a real feather on it!"

The suspect remains at large pending further investigation. Until she is apprehended and brought to justice, who knows what she will destroy next. It could be anything. Anything at all.

Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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