For instance, I will eat better. You know how smug, skinny assholes wonder why people are fat? "Don't they know what to eat, or when to stop eating?" they might ask. Here's the answer: A lot of fat people are depressed, and don't care if they live or die. The fatty, sugary food provides a quick hit to the pleasure center of their brains, so it's kinda like any other addiction that helps momentarily trick your brain into being happy, albeit briefly. So, I will eat food that helps reinforce the idea that it is worthwhile for me to be alive, and try to find real happiness instead of monkeying around with my brain chemistry.
For another, I will stop saying things to myself that are so mean, I would kick anyone's ass if I heard them saying them to another person. Dilf put this picture up on his Facebook page:
This is what I thought: "My God, I have the fattest arms in the universe. How do I even fit into sleeves? I don't look like I belong in that picture. I am a fat loser."
Lest you think that all my self-abuse is food or weight-related, I will repeat here the things I say (said. SAID! I will say them no more) to myself on a near-daily basis:
- I am lazy
- Disorganized
- A slob
- Talentless
- Useless
- Ugly
- Unwanted
- Might as well not exist
- Disappointing to myself and others
- Weird
- Annoying
- Socially off-putting
- Unworthy of pleasure
- Dowdy
I don't think these things about other people. I mean, regular people. I say mean things about people in the public eye, which I probably shouldn't, mainly because I see them as characters instead of actual human beings, which isn't right... but when I meet someone, I tend to see their good points first.
Sometimes, like in the case of Cuntzilla McGillicuddy, they disappoint me and I overreact (but that's in the privacy of my own blog. And on the phone with Jeanne Martini).
But I will make an effort over the next 40 days (which is usually enough time to break a habit, or start a new, good one) to stop being such a bitch to myself and realize I have as much right to be on this planet as everyone else.
