I don’t have any empirical evidence to back up this claim, but I believe most if not all parents of children old enough to eat solid food have a compromise food -- that food that falls somewhere between candy and vegetables on the food continuum. The food that, when mentioned as an option, both parties grudgingly agree upon. It may be cheese for some, peanut butter for others, or applesauce for yet another. Whatever it may be, it has some nutritional value but some fun factor like fat or sugar as well.
Not everything in the uberhousehold is subject to compromise, of course. Some behavior is simply not tolerated. Hitting or other violence, rudeness or refusal to follow instructions all result in discipline. Spanking is not a discipline tool in our household, but not for soft-hearted reasons. I do not spank because I learned from the masters, my parents, how tortuous other forms of discipline can be.
For example, when one of us kept slamming the door or jumping on the stairs despite being repeatedly told to stop, we had door closing or stair climbing lessons. Obviously, the logic went, we didn’t know the correct way to do these things, so we’d have to practice doing it right. About 50 times or so.
Or, when we misbehaved in public, my father would start singing at the top of his lungs. When we protested, horrified, pleading embarrassment, my father would say, “Well, you’re embarrassing ME. When you stop embarrassing ME, I’ll stop embarrassing YOU.”
Worst of all was the LECTURE. My father had this ponderous method of explaining our offenses to us, droning on and on ad nauseum. We didn't bother to try to whine or plead your way out of this agony; any interruption was met with, “Now I lost my place. I have to start over. What were we talking about? Oh, that’s right: ir re spon si bi lit y.”
I envied the kids who received a swat. It was over so quickly. The torment of these nonviolent punishments was excruciating.
I have it relatively easy. Both girls crave social contact so much that being isolated in a bedroom is anguish to them. Thus, time outs work for us, although they are certainly not universally successful.
No matter the means of punishment, consistency is of utmost importance. Severity is no guarantee of deterrence. After all, murders still take place where capital punishment exists. But surety of getting caught, that makes a difference.
If all else fails, take the Cocoa Krispies away.
