![](http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/7216/1089/320/five-um.jpg)
Here goes:
1. When setting the table, I try to match everything. That includes the plastic tablewear my daughters use. They have matching vinyl (wipe-off! most necessary) placemats, bowls, plates, plastic utensils, and cups. It is vital to my mental health that the bright, primary-colored ABC set not mingle with the soft, pastel-colored Inchworm in the garden with Butterfly set.
2. When I find a story particularly compelling or a male character particularly attractive, I will cast myself as one of the characters. I am always sassy, powerful, beautiful and have exquisite clothes. Often, I save the day. I am never the villainess.
3. To the dismay of Dilf, I peel my clothes off rather than remove them like a normal person. Thus, my jeans will be put into the hamper with undies and socks inside them, as if I dissolved and left the entire ensemble behind. Often, they are disturbingly inside out, yet still all intact as they were when I wore them. They must be dismantled before laundering.
4. I have a hard time paying my sewer bill. It arrives in the mail sans envelope, on a postcard. They are not set up to accept debit card payments over the phone. I can't handle paperwork under the best of conditions, let alone one requiring all of this effort on my part.
5. I can't poop in public toilets. Well, I don't know if I can, because the prospect horrifies me. I've never really tried.
Oh, and a special bonus weirdness: I can't blog without using a picture.