No, not PANTS, pants. I have come to the conclusion that pants and their hopelessly evil counterpart, shorts, are unflattering to my milfiness. Yet, it seems they are forced upon me at every turn.

From the 1960's on, we've been told that pants represent female freedom. I disagree. I think kilts represent freedom for MEN, but they haven't embraced them as they should. I like dresses and skirts. They look good on me. They're comfortable. I like them. I LOVE them. But where are they?

There are some tailored skirts and dresses and skirted business suits. Good for professional women. Where are my dresses? Comfortable yet attractive, form fitting and body-skimming yet not skin-tight, feminine yet not fussy dresses? I want them. I need them.

What do I get instead? Year after tiresome year of Capri pants and shorts for spring and summer. Pants and jeans in the winter. Pants teamed with sweaters, blouses and jackets. Casual pants. Dressy pants. Even pants fit to wear to a black-tie gala. Oh, pants are so mondern, so now! Give us more pants!

Fuck pants. They don't look good on hourglass-y women. I'm just wondering why can't the fashion world manage to provide clothing for the lanky, athletic women who look good in pants AND the curvier ladies who don't? I'm not trying to take away anyone's pants; I just want options that look good on me, too -- and are more comfortable to boot!

And pantyhose. Who the hell decided we can't wear pantyhose anymore? Wherever you are, shut up! I want to wear pantyhose. So there! I'm gonna. And I'm gonna wear dresses. Every damn day. To the grocery store. While taking walks. Visiting museums and art fairs. I'm gonna wear them loud, I'm gonna wear them proud. With pantyhose! In your face, fashion world!

I'm going to find little tennis skirts to wear to the gym, too. Just you wait and see!

I'm sure I'll be ranting again soon. In the meantime, drop your pants! Unless they look good on you.