Things that Woke Me up at Five A.M.

• UberYounger wandering aimlessly up and down the hallway

• My bladder

• The death rattle of Dilf's cell phone as it ran out of juice atop his dresser

• Birds singing. Especially the one who sings, "Bee-Boo." pause. pause. pause. pause. pause. "Bee-Boo." Will someone please mate with that thing, already? Sheesh.

• Miss Muffin, who wanted to go outside to chew on delicious, delicious birds. I hope she catches the one who goes "Bee-Boo."

• My brain, which wouldn't stop chattering nonsense.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

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