First, to the man with the cell phone in the 815 area code:

My name is not Chris. You didn't let me inform you of this fact before you started screaming at me that you wanted your "Bloody fucking ring back." By the way, are you Persian or Turkish or something? Because you sounded like it, before I hung up.

Second, to Ikea:

You are a bunch of lying liars. There is no such thing as a Federal Height Regulation in Regards to Ball Pits. When you didn't allow ÜberYounger into your precious play area because she was 1/4" too short, you made me angry. When you allowed an 18 year old to pose as a manager to appease me, who then claimed that the Federal Government was to blame for your ridiculous and arbitrary rule, you enraged me further.

You also turned away another young girl from another family because she was "too tall." It was her ponytail that reached the height mark, not her head. And for what? You only had two children playing in your "Smälland" or whatever you call it. Two lonely children in that huge space, looking wistfully each time children came in, hoping in vain for playmates.

I hope you are proud of yourselves. You made Younger cry.