Newsday NEWSDAY NEWSDAY: Towel Boy Exceeds Expectations; Remains Clothed Throughout Entire Ceremony
The wedding was predictably and reliably beautiful. Towel Boy wed the lovely and delightful ... she needs a nickname. Crock Pot Girl? Towel GIRL? Princess Pretty Toes? We'll have to work on that one. Anyway, he got hitched without a hitch.

The wedding day itself was long and arduous and fraught with suspenseful moments. Most notably for me personally, the dress I had purchased from Ann Taylor online for the event had a zipper that just WOULD NOT lie straight. There was an Ann Taylor nearby to help with my dilemma, but the mall did not open until 11 a.m. since it was Sunday.

I had to be at the church by 1 p.m. in all my wedding glory. It was crunch time, people. It turns out Ann Taylor herself couldn't have helped me; there was a material defect in the dress. I had to return it and find a new one. I had to be en route to the church by 12:30, and since we were transporting the groom, there was no margin of error. I ran into Macy's and prayed. My faith paid off in the form of a gorgeous black floor-length dress (on SALE!) and I was out the door by 11:50. In a half hour, I showered, make-upped and hair-doed. God and I are awesome when we work together.

We pick up the groom and arrive at the church in plenty of time to sit around and wait while picture after picture after picture were taken. Dilf helped entertain the little ones by reading books before the ceremony:

Then the tear-jerkingly beautiful ceremony, where I brought down the house with my reading from Corinthians,

and onto the reception. After more pictu....zzzz.

Neither Dilf nor I felt like drinking. I had a gin and tonic, and instead of inducing euphoria, it made me sleepy. Dilf stopped because he was trying and trying to achieve a buzz and nothing was working. This turned out to be a very big blessing in disguise, because after our frenzied dancing, we all went...


In our full wedding regalia. Dilf and I were able to be designated drivers, me with the bride and groom in our car, Dilf in a Chevy Suburban full of drunken Minnesotans.

See how lovely I look in my bowling shoes? I was trying to show you but Towel Boy was slobbering drunkenly on me and grossed me out.

It was insanely fun. ÜberYounger fell madly in love with her escort:

to the point that she sobbed miserably when the photographer had him kiss the bride on the cheek for a photo op. ÜberElder is more choosy.

She liked her guy well enough, but he's no Jimmy Neutron.

This was the original picture, titled "What's Happening Here?", which prompted the first six comments:

Name: Übermilf
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