Pay Attention, This Doesn't Happen Often. I'm Going to Talk about Sex

We don't talk about sex much on this blog. I figure you either know how to do it already or you don't feel comfortable discussing it. Also, I'm afraid Nick will rip his eyeballs out in an Oedipal frenzy.

Relax. This isn't about me and sex, this is about sex in general.

The following letter was sent to a Chicago Tribune advice column called Tales from the Front:

If your man bolts after sex, it's time to throw in towel

Published October 30, 2006

Dear Cheryl: What is the protocol for proper behavior after sex? I'm curious about how men treat the women they've just made love to. I'm sure there's a difference if it's love versus lust or committed versus promiscuous.

Let's take the case where the man cares for the woman and is not using her. In that case, what is expected afterward? What is normal behavior?

After being made love to, I like to spend a few minutes snuggled deep in strong arms. I like to kiss, giggle and connect on another level. I like to cuddle, if you will.

However, the guy I've been seeing for the last few months feels the exact opposite. When the deed is done, he gets very antsy. He practically becomes a stranger. All the kissing, stroking and tenderness stop cold.

We're arguing because the last time we made love, he left the room almost immediately after we were done. He tossed me a towel and disappeared into the living room, leaving me alone and naked on the bed. I waited until I realized he wasn't coming back in to lie down next to me, talk to me or at least look at me.

I felt foolish and stormed out of his apartment without saying a word. He didn't call out after me. He didn't even call me until the next day to ask me what was wrong. I was embarrassed, as if I had just delivered a booty call, but he thinks I behaved like a spoiled child.

I tried to stress that after-sex behavior is just as important as before-sex behavior. He claimed his disappearing act wasn't intentional. Then he proceeded to add that "we" just weren't working out and we shouldn't do "this" anymore. I was like, "Fine!" (What else could I say?) What an embarrassing experience!

So, do you think that makes him a jerk, or am I overly sensitive? I'm very curious as to how other women, and men, feel about behavior after sex?

-- Seduced and Abandoned -- Or Was I?

My opinion? After sex, no matter how impersonal, even if money exchanged hands, you should at least be friendly. I'm not saying you need to spout endless romantic bodice-ripping-novel exchanges of undying love, but at a bare minimum, you should show the same level of courtesy you would to, say, a doorman who opens the door for you when it's raining outside.

At that is the bare minimum. That you'd show a toothless $10 hooker with bad acne.

For someone you're dating, a wordless tossing of a towel does not suffice. If you are not a cuddler, and many men are not, you could at least give a friendly head tousle and a "wanna join me on the couch for some Monday Night Football?" This guy's a jerk.

Now, I do have a quibble with this woman, who I'm guessing is young. She shouldn't have stomped off silently and expected him to run after her. She should've mopped up her lady bits with the towel, gotten dressed, taken the towel into the living room, flung it across his face and said, "I hope you enjoy smelling that, asshole! It's the last of me you'll ever have!" And then been happy to be rid of him, instead of questioning herself.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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