Lucky for me, Krill and Kelp are about as intelligent as their namesakes. I'm surprised they didn't get distracted by their own shiny pants and spend all day staring at themselves. I told them they needed to milk some killer whales to make cheese for the grilled cheese sandwiches, so they did. What idiots. I hope Orca liked the taste of spandex and hair gel. If you live on the Atlantic coast, look for bits and pieces of them to come floating ashore.

Anyways, after my escape, I came across something that made Krill and Kelp look like geniuses -- advent calendars for dogs. You know how they make advent calendars for kids, with a chocolate behind each door as you count down to Christmas? Well, they make them for dogs, with doggie treats behind each door. For $12.95.

That sounded pretty stupid to me, until I saw this. First, I don't understand why someone would deliberately house and feed something I actively try to keep OUT of my home. Secondly, small rodents are only slightly above amoeba on the brain-power scale; remember that Band-Aid song from the 1980's, "Do They Know It's Christmas?" Well, if "they" are your pet gerbils, "they" certainly do NOT. Third, a card? Really? For a rodent?

I know I sound mean. I like animals. I pet the doggy heads that walk past my house each day on the way to the park. I take good care of Miss Muffin. I put out birdseed in the winter so my feathered friends don't starve. But ANIMALS ARE NOT PEOPLE.

Someone can have a grandson or a granddaughter; he or she cannot have a granddog. It's physically impossible, people. Animals do show emotions, they can perform some mighty helpful tasks, they probably helped our ancestors stay alive by hunting and protecting livestock and stuff. They certainly shouldn't be mistreated or abused or used for unnecessary experiments. You should provide pets with affection, toys, proper food and medical treatments. BUT THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE.

I am not trying to be mean, here. I'm trying to inject some reality. Meanwhile, there are many children who need loving homes. Think human children are treated better than animals? Try typing in "adoption" or "children needing homes" in your search engine.