Because of you... other parents' cars were spilled out onto 59th Street when you did not pull all the way to the end of drop-off at preschool today. Your vehicle already takes up more space than to which it should be entitled; the least you can do is pull up, per YMCA rules, to make room for your fellow human beings. Yes, we DO exist.

Because of you... everyone behind you was late when you chose to yak with the teacher for four full minutes on everyone else's time, instead of calling the teacher with your questions and concerns at another (your) time. I realize your child's preschool education is more important than the other children's, because, as the fruit of your perfect loins, she is, herself, exceptional. But please, allow our putrid waifs an opportunity to huddle in the shadows cast by your daughter's magnificent light.

Because of you... not handing your daughter her backpack during the aforementioned four-minute gabfest, causing another delay as you rummaged around in the vast front passenger seat area of your gas-guzzling environmental hazard, I wanted to hurl a javelin through your back window, piercing your skull.

Because of you... and your daughter exchanging "I love you" in sign language as she stood on the sidewalk (yes, some of us peasants are able to pick up some things normally reserved for you royals), instead of you pulling away and letting other people disembark and get into the school, my brain nearly exploded. I was so impressed to see this exchange, I almost forgot that you were now wasting a FULL SIX FUCKING MINUTES on your self-centered nonsense, you selfish, vapid sea cow!

Because of you... I needed to rush home to vent off my hostility before a harmed an innocent bystander with my misplaced rage.

I hope you have a nice day. I'm sure you will. No matter how many other people you inconvenience along the way.