War on Christmas Becomes Yet More Ridiculous

Last year we had retailers selling "Holiday Trees", this year we have them adding "Merry Christmas" as a disclaimer on each TV ad, just as Budweiser adds "Drink Responsibly" to the end of theirs.

What is happening, people? Look, I'm glad to see the silly practice of changing every mention of Christmas to "holiday." It fooled no one and offended many. Everybody knows what's "Christmas," what's secular, what's Kwaanza, and what's Hannukah. If you're selling decorations, label them appropriately or you just look stupid.

On the other hand, do we have to go overboard? Do sales clerks have to hastily and fearfully wish customers "Merry Christmas" or risk a boycott? Why can't they just say, "Thank you, here's your change?" If they see someone loading up on candles, gold-wrapped chocolate coins and a dreidel, they can decide to say, "Have a Happy Hannukah" if they so please, "Merry Christmas" to the guy buying a Nativity scene, or "Enjoy Kwaanza" to the lady buying her red, green and black candles. Does it have to come down from corporate? Is there no common sense left in this country?

If you're a zealot about this time of year, get help. You're making life unbearable for the entire month of December.

What's a zealot? Let me give you a couple of examples.

Normal person: I saw a really interesting presentation at the library this weekend. It was about how winter holidays are celebrated throughout the world...

Zealot: You mean Christmas.

Normal person: Well, yes. But you know what they do in Southeat Asia? They...

Zealot: I can't believe I'm hearing this. I never pegged you as an anti-Christian before, Stan.

Normal person: I AM a Christian, it's just that I found it educational to see...

Zealot: I'm afraid I can't just stand here and listen to your hate speech any longer. I hope you enjoyed that slideshow at the library, Stan. Too bad it was your one-way ticket to hell.

Kids, step away from Santa! He's not real! He's a tool of Satan to separate you from Jesus! Your parents are lying to you!

(frightened children start to cry)

or, this:

Normal person: Would you like some eggnog?

Zealot: I can't believe you're trying to force your religion on me. This is America and I can believe what I want. I mean YOU believe (rolls eyes) that a virgin gave birth to God, who doesn't exist by the way. I can't believe you're an adult and you still believe in fairy tales, fairy tales that have been the cause of every war mankind has known. You're just a tool of the corrupt establishment.

Normal person: Is that a "no?"

Zealot: Kids, step away from Santa! He's not real! He's a tool of retailers to separate you from your core values! Your parents are lying to you!

(frightened children start to cry)

We should put aside our differences and work together to ask the important questions of the season, like, "Can't Santa put a stop to Bratz?
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

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