Here's what's happening across the pond:
Item!: England is an irritating and insular country full of overweight, binge-drinking, reality TV addicts, a new guide warns tourists. Those jerks stole our cultural identity!
Item!: Man jailed for dropping apple. Thank God he didn't bend over to pick it up!
Item!: Darth Vader invades, attacks England. He found their lack of dental care disturbing.
Item!: Award-winning British art.
Yay! It's not just OUR culture heading into the toilet.
Next week: news from Australia.
