My sister amuses herself by forwarding on the insipid, vomit-inducing chain emails she gets from her sister-in-law. Despite the promises of "blessings" or "good fortune" or "riches" she's promised if she forwards the messages on to 8 or 10 or 25 people or whatever, she only sends them to one person: me.

I'm going to send her Sysm's email. I think he would find these far more entertaining than I do.

The last one she sent me was particularly heinous.

Not only did it contain trite religious clichés ("If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it") AND horrible warnings about what God will do to you if you don't pray long enough (I guess He has a stopwatch) AND pathetic attempts to make you feel guilty("If I don't get this back, I will know you really didn't read it. I got this from someone and thought the last part was really a good thought. Too bad that the person who sent it to me did not know 10 people who would admit to knowing the Lord"), but it also had lovely artwork like this:



and this:



and, most horrifying of all, a Thomas Kinkade picture that the email dared to state was "rumored to carry a miracle!"



I happen to know that a Thomas Kinkade painting is incapable of "carrying a miracle," because as I have stated before, Thomas Kinkade is an agent of Satan.

If you love Jesus, you will tell at least 10 people about this.

As for my sister, she deserves to be encrusted with itchy pustules. All over her body. In pretty Thomas Kinkade pastel colors.