Dilf was reading the Utne Reader this morning, and he pointed out this article to me. In it was a picture of a guy in a blonde wig and a plaid skirt which caused Dilf to remark that he doesn't need to be so confused so early in the morning before his coffee had a chance to kick in.

I became irrationally angry, first because the guy wasn't dressing in traditional Native American tribal garb, choosing the blonde wig and such. Then I realized I had a deeper anger toward the whole issue. Again, I realize it's irrational and I'm not really angry at anyone, but...

Here's the thing: whether transgender or gay activist mean to send this message or not, I am hearing that heterosexuals are lucky because they don't have to hide their true selves, the way gay and transgendered people do.

But we do. We all do. We all put on a facade, don't we? Doesn't it eat at us? Aren't we all, in some way or another, faking it?

I'm not trying to compare anyone's struggle, and I can't imagine what life is like for someone else. I'm not trying to say "Poor Me" or "Poor Anyone Else."

But is a wedding, for example, really "celebrating" heterosexual love, as gay activists seeking the right to marry purport? Or does it put forth some idealized, unrealistic version of what "They" decided it should be? A version that can't help but lead to disappointment, because it's complete and utter fiction? Gay people might want to rethink having a set of standards imposed upon their relationships after all. Everything looks better from the outside looking in.

Don't "they" also do that to motherhood and masculinity and any number of human attributes, feelings and ways of living? How things "should" be, and how incomplete, inept or just plain wrong you are if you don't live up to the hype?

Who are the "theys" who decide upon "ideals"? Where are they and how can I kick them in the crotch? I know this is a common theme of mine. But as I navigate life and what I'm even doing on this planet, I can't help but butt my head against this time and time again.

The point is, I was momentarily jealous of these people who could get together and dress up and feel free to be themselves for a while. Truthfully, I've been conforming for so long, I don't know if I can even find the "real" me anymore.

But I have to stop thinking because my head hurts; it's going to snow again soon.