Things that have happened in the three and three-quarters days I've been here
Owen Wilson served me a margarita. Well, it wasn't EXACTLY him; but he looked like he could be Owen Wilson if Owen Wilson was 15 years older and had less professional dental care. And he sounded like Owen Wilson. And he thought it was funny when I told him it was my first night in Texas, so state law required me to order a margarita. So I liked him, because I like people who think I'm funny. I'm narcissistic that way.

While I practiced sensible sun exposure management over most of my body, I do not know how to apply sunscreen to the part in my hair. That's the one sunburnt area on me. I've never had a sunburn there.

I've already told you about the potato masher.

Someone's tiny schnauzers keep escaping. They are constantly in my yard and have pooped on my driveway. Moxie needs a snack, I think. Only knowing her, she won't eat them, but will wag her tail and make friends. Dammit.

Girls have made friends with Eva, aged 8, who lives next door. According to her mom, Eva has been as eager for girls to arrive as they were to get here. I find that difficult to believe.

I have seen a cactus in the wild, not growing out of a pot.

I will attempt to leave the enclave to head into the city this afternoon. I hope I do not die/get lost/get tasered by a sheriff.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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