Haunted by Ghosts of Tiger Beats Past

I plan on reading this book soon, so I can regurgitate her wisdom and present it as my own. Until I can reflect the intelligence of someone else onto my blog post, I will frighten you with tales of television has-beens from the 70's and 80's.

I will NOT start with Kirk Cameron, because it is far to easy to mock him. In fact, I've done it already. So I'm not going to aim at the ridiculously easy Kirk Cameron target.

Instead, I will turn my attention to the outrageously pompous, politically ignorant Scott Baio. Actually, B.A. turned my attention to him. It seems he turned into quite the prick. I blame Joanie for not loving him enough. It embittered him and clouded his judgment. On the bright side, he seems to have a lot of free time on his hands to engage in Twitter-based disputes with complete strangers.

Then, someone who's been on my radar for quite some time, but whose special blend of crazy I've been unable to weave into a blog post before now: Dirk Benedict. I know that's a long, rambling treatise; I bet you have neither the time nor inclination to read it. Let me just tell you that Mr. Benedict believes feminists ruined the new "Battlestar Galactica." (Because, if there were ever a genre aimed squarely at the female audience, it is science fiction.) It seems he was quite upset that StarBUCK became StarDOE:

"Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars. Hamlet does not scan as
Hamletta. Nor does Han Solo as Han Sally. Faceman is not the same as
Facewoman. Nor does a Stardoe a Starbuck make. Men hand out cigars.
Women `hand out' babies. And thus the world, for thousands of years,
has gone round."

Unfortunately, the fate of some stars falls more under the category of "tragic" than "mock-able." For instance, Willy Aames. Or his fictional little brother Adam Rich, who "from October 1990 to January 1992, ... was variously accused of drunken driving, sock-stealing, breaking into a hospital in search of Demerol and throwing himself down a flight of stairs during rehab in order to score painkillers." (Sock stealing?)

I hope the parents on "I Know My Kid's a Star" are paying attention.

In other Hollywood news, Scarlett Johanson is some sort of replicant.
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