I Don't Need Batteries.
I invited Nick to be a mascot at ÜberElder's birthday shindig on Saturday, perhaps as a giant bumblebee or wood elf or something. Since his personality tends more toward a foul-mouthed garden gnome with anger issues, I searched for an evil gnome on Google.

The result appears to your right.

It also brings up a related Bachelorette party observation from last Saturday regarding battery-operated marital aids.

I don't own one, nor did I buy one from the nice lady at the party. I had just seen Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest the night before, and all of the gelatinous, tentacled, buzzing items she displayed reminded me of these guys. Also, many of them had faces on them, or were shaped like animals. It just wasn't doing it for me. In fact, it put me off the whole idea. Plus, some of them had wires and such. It didn't seem very romantic; more like an episode of "This Old House." ("This Old Spouse?")

So, all of my electrical appliances stay in the kitchen, thank you very much. And I don't want any crotch gnomes, either.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

So you want more huh?
Click here!

Perverts, scram. There's nothing for you here.

Now, who wants cupcakes?

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