Scary Things Happen When You Read Scary Books
Inspired by JJ's story about reading a scary book, I remember an incident that took place when I was an UberTeen.

My parents were in Hawaii celebrating their anniversary. My brother had moved into his own place but a few weeks earlier. My sisters had moved out years earlier and now had families of their own. I was alone in the house, for a week, for the first time in my life.

Late at night, I chose to read a scary vampire book. At roughly midnight, the electricity went out -- gradually, in the most frightening way possible. It was as if someone sucked the power out. Or, as my brain quickly concocted, cut the wires.

It was a clear spring night, so a storm was not responsible. I looked outside; my neighborhood was swathed in darkness. That was slightly comforting; at least I wasn't specifically targeted. Despite my best efforts at remaining calm, I was terrified.

I called my brother. He, being in his twenties and on his own for the first time, was not home. As panic began to set in, my phone rang. It was my good friend, Miss Kathy.

"Are you okay?" she asked. "We were on our way home from the movies when all the lights on the expressway went out. Do you want to come over?"

I thought about it, but since I know this wasn't a dastardly plot by Nosferatu to puncture my delicate young neck and drain me of my life essence, I declined. Talking to Miss Kathy restored my tranquility. After all, if she could sleep after being dragged to a Jean Claude Van Damme movie, I could manage as well.

My asshole brother called sometime the following day to make sure I lived through the night. Thanks, bro.

The local paper explained what had happened. A raccoon had climbed into an electrical box and wiped out power for miles. As scared as I was, I was relieved not to be the poor guy who had to clean barbequed raccoon out of an electrical box at 1 a.m.
Name: Übermilf
Location: Chicago Area

If being easily irritated, impatient and rebellious is sexy, then call me MILF -- Übermilf.

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